What is pillow talk?

Forget early aughts rom-coms and awkward innuendo. Pillow talk is about more than sex. In fact, pillow talk doesn’t need to involve anything physical at all. Intrigued? Read on to find out how a little small talk can lead to real intimacy in the bedroom, whether it’s emotional, physical, or just plain love.

What is pillow talk?

Most people like to think of pillow talk as the uncomfortable conversations we have after sex—but our definition encompasses so much more. Put simply, pillow talk is any conversation that happens between two (or more!) people from the cozy confines of a bed. Pillow talk can range from small talk after sex, exchanging compliments to help develop intimacy in the bedroom, or simply catching up on the other’s day-to-day life.

Pillow talk is unique in the fact that it occurs in an intimate space, giving bedroom conversations the potential to foster deep, emotional connections. Whether you’re planning for the future with a spouse or just opening up to a new partner, pillow talk is always intimate, and should be handled with care.

Expert Advice

“Being able to talk openly and intimately is essential in a good relationship,” Kiana Reeves, Somatic Sex Expert, Doula and Director of Education for Foria told The Oprah Magazine in a recent interview. But opening up isn’t always easy, that’s why Reeves recommends starting relationship-building conversations in the bedroom. “The bed is symbolically and literally where you share the most intimate moments,” she explains, “So it makes sense that this space elicits safety and connectedness.”

The Benefits of Pillow Talk

As we said before, pillow talk is a great way to foster emotional intimacy between two or more partners. But pillow talk can also deliver real, physical benefits, too. And we’re not just talking about sex. Because pillow talk often occurs in tandem with cuddling, it can result in the release of oxytocin, the body’s “love” hormone. According to healthline, oxytocin can help people feel more connected, and even trigger feelings of love.

Mastering Mattress Conversations

So you’re ready to pillow talk, but you don’t know where to start. Our recommendation is to keep the conversation light, at least initially. The bedroom can be a great place for deep conversations, but jumping into hard to answer questions or loaded topics can be a major turn-off. A lot of couples even set limitations on acceptable bedroom topics. Discussing finances and other more mundane day-to-day tasks can take all the heat out of the bedroom, and even induce conflict between you and your sleep partner. That’s why we recommend kicking off your bedroom conversations with compliments between you and your significant other. After all, the bed is a space for loving.

Keep the Phones Out of the Bedroom

Part of what makes pillow talk so special is the fact that it occurs in a somewhat enclosed space, free of the distractions of the day behind or ahead of you, and without interruption from other family members, friends, or colleagues. But in an increasingly plugged-in world, honoring the legacy of pillow talk means leaving the phone, computer, and Netflix out of it. If you’re interested in building intimacy with your partner, the best thing to do is offer them your undivided attention.

Sometimes Less is More

Bonding doesn’t necessarily have to mean sharing everything. In a new relationship, sometimes just taking a moment to look into each other’s eyes is enough to develop an emotional connection. It may sound corny, but it’s rare that we really take the time to slow down and enjoy one another’s company. Also remember, just because you’re ready to get emotionally intimate, doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is too. Taking things slow never hurts, plus—there’s always the option of cuddling.

If there’s any place to really relax and appreciate one another, it’s the bedroom. Next time you and a loved one have extra time to stay in bed, why not make the most of it? Pillow talk pairs well with morning coffees and late night snuggles. Who knew emotions could be such a turn on?